I hope you enjoyed yesterday’s post, WhAt MeN WaNt Part 1 found it enlightening or even put it to the test. If you haven’t already, please check it out. I’ve been told it’s a great read. Oh yea, I couldn’t get away from this pic of this extremely sexy man. Yesterday he was reaching out with his right hand, today it’s his left. Whew he’s fine!!! Ok ladies, let’s dive right in.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, I know we all have our issues that stem from experiences in our pasts, environments, upbringing, families, and relationships. We’ve all been hurt or disappointed before, in some way or another, which means that if we’ve not dealt with “it”, more than likely, we’re BaGgAgE HaNdLeRs, some of us carry around more than others. And there are those of us (the numbers are alarming) that have some deep rooted insecurities as a result of all of the above.
But men want exactly what women want—a whole partner. Sane and emotionally healthy men want to be with women that are sane and emotionally healthy, or as close to it as possible, considering we’re all a work in progress. But anger, bitterness, desperation, insecurity, and emotional dependency are amongst some of the reasons that relationships/marriages are unstable, failing and ending.
Do YOU for relationship’s sake
Men thrive on being wanted and needed by their partners as we discussed in WhAt MeN WaNt PaRt 1, and they enjoy and appreciate you, the relationship that you’ve built, and the time that you spend together as a couple. But they also want their women to be self-sufficient and have their own identities. Let me just say, I learned this the hard way, in my own marriage. You fall in love with your lover and best friend, and what we desire to do, every single day, is to share our entire world and life with them; all of the space in the house, every single breath we take, moment in the day (if possible), every experience, and activity that takes place. And nothing is wrong with that, until you find that you’ve literally lost yourself in your relationship. You no longer identify with being anything outside of his girlfriend/wife—oh, and we’re not even talking about being a mommy right now. But you get to a point, where you don’t know what interests you, or what you enjoy, or what you even want anymore, as an individual.
For all you single, not-so-single, and taken ladies, this post is for you. And just so you know, that picture up there is for me. ;-) Anyway, I decided to do a little research about some questions that has run across every woman’s mind at one point or another about their man…WhAt MeN WaNt!
Happy New Year!!! Hope you all are well. I know the last time we met here was somewhere around the end of 2012. Obviously, my lack of blogging has not been without good reason. I committed myself to work on a project (that I’m not at liberty to discuss now), that had me working around the clock some days. Maybe not literally, but I was definitely putting in long hours, for days and weekends, at a time.
For every minute of sleep I lost, and for all the mental and emotional energy I invested, hopefully the project will come to full fruition this year. No! I take that statement back. It WILL come to fruition this year. I’m speaking it into existence in 2013!
A lot has transpired over the past few months, which I’ll be blogging about over time, of course. I can’t wait to talk about my international trip later. But first, there is something personal that I’ve been dying to share with all of you, and that is…I’ve eVoLvEd…and I absolutely love who I am, and what I’m doing, and how blessed I am, and where I’m headed, and how bright my future looks!
♪♫ Can you see me, can you see me, get your Visine on,
y’all just do not fit the picture; turn your widescreen on ♪♫
Gotta’ love @Drake right?! But seriously, I realized that with what I have been called to do and the lives I am supposed to touch, real change was inevitable. And for me that meant rising above every single last one of my insecurities. I couldn’t allow them to keep me constrained or afraid or feeling unworthy or unfulfilled any longer. And believe me, it wasn’t easier said than done, ‘cause she did that! *in my @TamarBraxtonHer voice*
SiNgLe MoMmIes!!! How are you? I certainly hope I’m finding you and your girls—whom you’ve referred to SmF—in a good place this week.
For those of you that have followed my blog from the beginning, you know that here at "SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS" I’m all about being as open and honest as I possibly can. I’m trying to build something relatable and to write things that will resonate with you. I want what I share to make you laugh or cry or say “hmmm.” I would hope that I’m also challenging, inspiring, encouraging, and maybe even helping you all see things from different perspectives.
In the end, it’s all about giving you what you need straight from the source, whether its divorcee to divorcee, SiNgLe woman to SiNgLe woman, or most importantly, MoMmY to MoMmY or whatever your equation is.
I want to share with you an introduction that I wrote for a group of individuals that I have decided to embark on a new Journey with. I want you to understand where the motivation for this week’s post is coming from. Ok here goes!
“My name is Katrina. I live in beautiful Southern California. And contrary to popular belief—possibly because of Tony! Toni! Toné! #1 R&B hit—it does rain here, often.
Hey SmF fam! It’s that time of the week again! So glad you’ve stopped by and hopefully brought a friend!
Well, I’ve had a pretty interesting week, busy may be a better adjective, and I have my son to thank. He’s had call back after call back and ended up booking a role on a really great project and I’m super duper proud of my lil’ man! He absolutely loves what he does, works hard at his craft, and is grateful for every opportunity.
Me? I knew you would ask. Well, I’m still working on my book, you can kind of say I’m consumed with it at this point, and I’m also managing my talent consulting company. I invest so much time, energy, and support into my son’s career, but I realized it was equally important for me to focus on the things that brought me fulfillment.
As for my social life, that’s basically still non-existent, especially when referring to dating. Honestly though, I reeeeally don’t mind. And the more engrossed I am in all of the things I have going on, that’s bringing me worth, the less it matters.
I mentioned in last week’s post “AuGuSt RuShEd!” that I hadn’t decided if I wanted to go through with the whole Match.com fiasco or if I was even ready to date yet. And yesterday, I was reminded why I’ve been so torn, bi-polisherish even.
Hey SmF Fam!! I’m up this morning writing to you all after laying my head on my pillow at four am this morning. That’s nuts, I know. But I would not have traded one minute of sleep for what was transpiring last night.
Alright, maybe the last 30 minutes or so, because we were clowning, but for the most part, my sisters and I were sowing words of wisdom and correction and inspiring someone we loved, to just do better.
I plan to keep this post short this morning as I struggle to keep my eyes open. It’s just not one of those days that coffee can fix. My neck is all tensed up. I’m a little delirious and need a nap, but I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get that in, seeing that I have a jam-packed day, today. Hmm…maybe I do need to start the Keurig. Okay ladies, give me 10 minutes.
I needed more like 20 minutes to get myself together, but I’m now sipping on a cup of fogchaser, heavy French vanilla cream with two generous scoops of sugar, and I’m feeling preeeetty alert right now.
Soooo about last week’s post “CoInCiDeNtAlLy YoU!” , yea…uhm…that will be a NO. There were quite a few text messages exchanged yesterday, and he was saying waaaay to much, waaaay too fast, and threw up waaaay too many red flags. Just as I suspected, there was no way, I could move forward with this guy.
Hey SiNgLe MoMmIes, DaDdIeS, SiNgLe LaDiEs, or whatever category you fit in!!! Thanks for stopping by my blog. If you’re a regular, you know I appreciate the love and support. Next time bring a friend. I promise I’m trying to be more consistent. *winks*
Ok, ladies and gents, I have to get right to the point. What is it with me, the month of August, and African men?!? Like Seriously!! Remember last year around this time, August 24th to be exact, I met one, by way of a friends’ introduction, and we dated about four months and then sort of broke up?
Yea I know, technically I only alluded to the fact that he was foreign. So now you know, if you didn’t already guess, that "WrOnG MiStEr" 3-8 was African. Then, it wasn’t as important. But, because they seemingly pop into my life every August, I think now it is.
Disclaimer: The nationality and the month is more than likely very coincidental, but it’s being used for the purpose of this blog post anyway.
Okay, so let me just say, he has not be inducted into the “WrOnG MiStEr” series yet. I definitely don’t think he’ll make it, because I have no intentions of being anything other than a friend to this guy, if that, although, my son TJ is already heading his candidacy.
SmF Fam!!! How are you? I hope everyone that’s reading right now is in a good place, I certainly am, today, although, I must admit, I had a lil’ emotional breakdown a few days ago.
No, it wasn’t because of the “dreeeaded” *in my Sméagol voice,* you know, Lord of the Rings, 2002, ok, anyway, maybe it was, but all I know is this, I was at a breaking point. I really can’t talk about what happened to cause this. And trust me, I have good reason, because y’all know I would gladly have y’all all up in my business, any other time.
Besides, the “what” is not always as important as the “why” or even “how.” And that’s what I plan to explain. I know I’ve told you time and time again that I’m not perfect. Maybe, I’ve left it out of a post or two or five, the point is you all know I said it. I have issues, problems arise, I’m faced with difficulties, and my breath stinks in the morning, just like everyone else’s does.
You know the old adage, when it rains it pours? Well, that’s what was happening in my life. I had been dealing with an issue that arose unexpectedly about a month or so ago, and it ended up setting in motion some other issues. Before I knew it, I was in the midst of a torrential downpour without an umbrella…at least that’s how I felt.
I had gotten to the point where I had had enough. I couldn’t take it any more and I was so frustrated at how things were turning out. Every time I tried to fix one problem, here was another presenting itself.
Hey SmF fam!!! I missed you!! Let me just start off by saying, me and my baby boy was in a car accident on June 25th. There were no serious injuries on either side, Thank God, but my truck needs repairs. And TJ and I are still pretty “traumatized” by the unfortunate event, yet extremely grateful for our life and health.
I requested that I take a sudden leave of absence, from a few of my responsibilities, since I’m my own boss, which is why you haven’t heard from me in a few weeks. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in an accident, and I pray you never have to experience it, but I needed a little time to sort some things out, put others in perspective, and totally regroup. And let me just tell you, it was so necessary.
Soooo here I am, back refreshed again!!! I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life…figuratively and literally…so I’ve decided to reinstate as of late, this motto I adopted back in 2009, that has evolved over the years, of course. I’m making it my business to:
LIVE FABULOUSLY! LOVE HARDER! & LAUGH LOUDER!
I have to enjoy my life to the fullest because I know tomorrow is not promised; situations happen, sometimes out of my control, which means, some things won’t always go as planned! I deserve the best, I will not settle, therefore I do and give my best. I am what I think I am (S.E.A.M).
I’ll have problems to solve and bills to pay. Love gives and takes away, it has the power to heal and hurt, so choose it wisely. People change for the good and the bad, by choice. I can’t take myself so seriously all the time, sometimes I need to “relax, relate & release” (in my Whitley Gilbert voice). And most importantly, God loves me no matter what!
Ladies!!! I hope you had an awesome three day weekend & a happy Memorial Day. I know I did! It was complete with bright sunshine, warm weather, a beautiful park, fam, friends, kids, laughter, barbecue, a lot of snacking, overeating, card playing and ish talking…Phase 10 and spades just wouldn’t be the same without the latter (lol). It really was the perfect holiday.
Just so you know, I’m sipping on a cup of strong caramel colored coffee with plenty of sugar—my third cup in like a year, which tells you just how often I drink it—so that I could uphold my end of the bargain…getting you Wednesday’s post by any means necessary.
Well anyway, I know I left you hanging last week, not on purpose of course, so I won’t hold you up any longer, let’s get right to why you’re all here. You want to know what happened with me and WrOnG MiStEr since last week’s YoU GoT NeRvE post.
Okay, so where did we leave off? Oh yes, he was telling me all about what he had been up too…
“Working, church, the usual, you know me,” he said as he gently touched my arm and continued on…
I thought I did, I said to myself, making sure my feminine side didn’t respond to his flirtatious gauge. I would not give him the pleasure.
“…blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…”
Hey SMF fam!!! So glad to see you!!! I know, it’s been a while since we’ve connected and that’s my fault. I’ve been so caught up in all of the other stuff I’m doing and have going on; single mommying, momagering, authoring, and entrepenuering, that I didn’t realize how much I was neglecting my blogging for SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS…smh!
I know I said I write as often as any SiNgLe MoMmY wearing as many hats and juggling the full plate that I do would, but I had a lil’ talk with someone whom I deem my outside voice of reason, and they said, that I really had to get it together, which basically meant that I had to get back to blogging regularly and post at least once or twice a week on the same day, so you all would know when to come back.
I guess I figured I would tweet and Facebook to get your attention, like I had been doing, whenever I had something new for you to read. And that’s was probably okay, but that still didn’t negate the fact that I had to be consistent with the blog. I’m going to get it together, I promise. And I won’t be able to use the “overwhelmed” SiNgLe MoMmy card anymore…well, only in the event of an emergency or two…fair enough?
So I had some time to really think about it, and Wednesday’s are going to be my post day. So SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS will have something for you right smack dab in the middle of our crazy week and I’m sure the posts will provide you with some encouragement, enlightenment or a lil’ laughter to carry you through, or just a simple reminder to Do You, which is always important! So Wednesday it is! Heeeyy!!!
Ok, so what cliff did I leave you all hanging on last time we were together? I’m kidding, but let me see, where were we?…Ooooh!! I ran into one of my WrOnG MiStErS in It HaPpEnS So, and the story goes a lil’ something like this, hit it…
This day and prayer is dedicated to every last one of the women out there, especially my SiNgLe MoMmIeS, who have done everything in their power to take care of their children by living godly; leading admirably; loving unconditionally; sacrificing selflessly; protecting relentlessly; providing resourcefully; listening intently, advising knowledgeably; chastening uncompromisingly…mothering phenomenally! Happy Mother’s Day!
today we pray for mothers—
our own mothers, and mothers everywhere,
who have made such a major contribution
to the good qualities we have,
sometimes through genetics,
more often through great effort and patient instruction,
and who have done their best
to gently polish away our rough edges.
Lord, please bless our mothers
for the endless hours of time they spent
and the boundless energy they invested in us.
Bless our mothers for their sacrifices on our behalf
as they often gave up or deferred their own dreams
so that we could have ours.
Bless our mothers for always being there for us,
for being the person we know we can turn to
when we need comfort, encouragement, or just a hug.
Bless our mothers for making a home for us
where we could feel safe, where we felt we belonged.
Most of all, Lord,
bless our mothers for their unconditional love,
for loving us no matter what,
and for frequently showing love
in ways that make us feel valued and cherished.
Lord, please bless our mothers mightily.
Strengthen them, soothe them,
wrap them in Your infinite love
and shower them with blessings
too numerous to count, too magnificent to describe.
We love them, admire them, respect them,
and we wish that You would give them back
many times the good they gave to us.
In Jesus’ name we pray; Amen.
Hey ladies!!! So glad you stopped by. I want to apologize, I missed last Friday’s post (not on purpose of course), because some things came up unexpectedly. But I’m sure you know that comes with the SiNgLe MoMmY territory. It’s certainly the irony (if you will), behind the FiLeS…even though I take this new blogging gig seriously, I post as often as a woman wearing a lot of hats, carrying a full plate in one hand and juggling a number of responsibilities in the other, would. Ahhh my life…you gotta’ see the irony in that.
I tweeted earlier yesterday morning that I had left my computer which meant Monday’s post would be delayed. I sat on set with TJ for approximately eight hours, with no way to work on the blog or accomplish anything for that matter. I would not have left it, if it was actually at my place, but I couldn’t explain (hence 140 characters) that I had mistakenly left it at a friend’s house.
We left the studio in a hurry and I took care of some banking before heading home. Luckily TJ and I had eaten quite a bit on set, so I didn’t have to worry about dinner just yet. I made it through my doors, immediately shed my day clothes and jumped into some comfortable loungamas (my work-at-home attire; not quite pajamas but not quite appropriate to wear outside), ready to attack the blog, when I realized I never picked up my darn computer. UGH!!!
…..20 minutes later, I was back home and in front of my computer only to discover the annoying little yellow triangle with the black exclamation point in the middle, over my wireless bars; a friendly reminder that I wouldn’t have my new AT&T internet service until after 8:00pm PST (which I found to be a very random time of the day).
After waiting patiently for the clock to strike 8 and performing several reboots, I would learn 12 hours later, after a conversation with a CSR on a long technical support call, that AT&T had the incorrect address, an order would have to be rewritten and I wouldn’t have internet for another three business days.
Hey SMF fam!! Happy May Day to you all!! I can never say how much I really appreciate your support enough! Well as you may have noticed, I made an impromptu decision to extend my vacay when I got back from “VeGaS BaBy!” And boy, was it a good decision.
I didn’t abstain from work so much, but I used the time to sort things out in my head. I was all over the place, stretched, and I found myself feeling quite overwhelmed with all of my “FiRsT StEpS” duties, which wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, I find myself at that place from time to time.
But the real problem was my struggle to write, considering it has come to me so effortlessly in the past. I was busy working on the SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS blog, but I had totally abandoned the second draft of my novel ‘A Journey Like No Other.’ So I spent some of my downtime, working on it.
So it’s all good now. And I’m happy to say, I realigned my life, refocused my energy, put things in perspective, and I’m back and better than ever!
So anyway, I promised I would tell you all about my trip to Vegas with my homegirls *rubs hands together and squeals* And let me just say Oh—My! It was THEE BEST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION/VEGAS VACAY I had ever been apart of and I’ve got some pics to prove it. Check them out.