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StarStruck Pt. 1 – To Be Continued…

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I’ve lost count of how many Facebook messages and timeline posts I’ve received, not to mention the strangers that I’ve run into, that have wanted me to help them get their child in the entertainment business. And I understand why. But honestly, at times, I have found it to be a little, let’s see, daunting (for a lack of a better word), when I find myself in a position where I really can’t help you.

My son has been successful in the business for a number of reasons. Continue reading StarStruck Pt. 1 – To Be Continued…

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Lose Yourself Until He Finds You

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HeSaysWut

Hey Mommies!

Hey SmF fam! It’s that time of the week again! So glad you’ve stopped by and hopefully brought a friend!

Well, I’ve had a pretty interesting week, busy may be a better adjective, and I have my son to thank. He’s had call back after call back and ended up booking a role on a really great project and I’m

Continue reading Lose Yourself Until He Finds You

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Mothering Phenomenally

This day and prayer is dedicated to every last one of the women out there, especially my SiNgLe MoMmIeS, who have done everything in their power to take care of their children by living godly; leading admirably; loving unconditionally; sacrificing selflessly; protecting relentlessly; providing resourcefully; listening intently, advising knowledgeably; chastening uncompromisingly…mothering phenomenally! Happy Mother’s Day!

Mother Prayer

Dear Lord,
today we pray for mothers–
our own mothers, and mothers everywhere,
who have made such a major contribution
to the good qualities we have,
sometimes through genetics,
more often through great effort and patient instruction,
and who have done their best
to gently polish away our rough edges.

Lord, please bless our mothers
for the endless hours of time they spent
and the boundless energy they invested in us.
Bless our mothers for their sacrifices on our behalf
as they often gave up or deferred their own dreams
so that we could have ours.

Bless our mothers for always being there for us,
for being the person we know we can turn to
when we need comfort, encouragement, or just a hug.
Bless our mothers for making a home for us
where we could feel safe, where we felt we belonged.

Most of all, Lord,
bless our mothers for their unconditional love,
for loving us no matter what,
and for frequently showing love
in ways that make us feel valued and cherished.
Lord, please bless our mothers mightily.

Strengthen them, soothe them,
wrap them in Your infinite love
and shower them with blessings
too numerous to count, too magnificent to describe.
We love them, admire them, respect them,
and we wish that You would give them back
many times the good they gave to us.
In Jesus’ name we pray; Amen.

 ~Joanna Fuchs

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It Happens So, Now What?

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Hey ladies!!! So glad you stopped by. I want to apologize, I missed last Friday’s post (not on purpose of course), because some things came up unexpectedly. But I’m sure you know that comes with the SiNgLe MoMmY territory. It’s certainly the irony (if you will), behind the FiLeS…even though I take this new blogging gig seriously, I post as often as a woman wearing a lot of hats, carrying a full plate in one hand and juggling a number of responsibilities in the other, would. Ahhh my life…you gotta’ see the irony in that.

I tweeted earlier yesterday morning that I had left my computer which meant Monday’s post would be delayed. I sat on set with TJ for approximately eight hours, with no way to work on the blog or Continue reading It Happens So, Now What?

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I’m Doing Me: Taking My Own Advice

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Hey ladies and gentlemen!! If you haven’t already, please check out some of the other SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS posts in your spare time. And just so you know, I’m still trying to figure this blogging thing out, so please excuse the construction (i.e. schedule & post changes). I just need to make sure that I’m able to find a groove and stick with. I appreciate any or all of your support during this time!

In other news, looks like I’m gearing up for a new post entitled “So YoU WaNt To Be A MoMaGeR” real soon! I’m all about the needs of my readers and a lot of mommies and daddies have reached out to me by way of Facebook asking for info and help on how to get their kid started in the entertainment biz.

I want to help each and every one of you, really I do, but Continue reading I’m Doing Me: Taking My Own Advice

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Where’s My A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N & R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

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Hey Mommies!

There’s always sooo much on my plate as a SiNgLe MoMmY! Remember I told you in “FiRsT StEpS” that I’m a full-time SUPER-mom, which is the ultimate job of the universe. I find myself cooking, cleaning, wiping noses and tears, teaching responsibility, encouraging creativity and learning, cultivating gifts, discouraging bad behavior, chastening, and loving unconditionally, day in and day out.

Parenting is one of thee most demanding responsibilities for a mother and a father, but when a mother finds herself being a stand-in dad too, the load is much heavier. And let me just say that my hat is off to any woman that is raising more than one child alone…I can only imagine what your days are like.

Sadly, SiNgLe MoMmIeS are not Appreciated & Respected as we should be at times, by our children, in our homes or in society, for Continue reading Where’s My A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N & R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

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MommyHood: We Do What We Have To

Photo Cred: @terrellransomjr

Hey ladies and gentlemen!!! I hope you’re still enjoying SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS! I appreciate your support whether you’re visiting for the first time or have been supporting since the beginning with “FiRsT StEpS.”

I realized that I had to give myself a quick mental break from all this talk about “LoVe UnCoMpLiCaTeD” and focus on something more significant than my life in all its “SiNgLeNeSs.” At such a vulnerable state (i.e. thee time of the month), it was starting to wear me down hence the post “CaTcH 22.”

What could be more notable than my emotional tug-o-war with my desire to be single….wait no, married…uh…maybe single again? MoMmYhOoD! Yes, I LOVE being TJ’s mom! It’s a responsibility I do Continue reading MommyHood: We Do What We Have To

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Singleness Part 2: Tale of Two Selfies – Self-Love & Self-Fulfillment

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Hey Mommies!

As promised, here’s part 2 of the SiNgLeNeSs post. Please check out: SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS – “SiNgLeNeSs” Pt. 1, if you haven’t already. The rest of you please follow me.

So, I had a pretty interesting weekend. Despite the high temps, clear skies and sun (that people took full advantage of), I laid around disorientated, drinking tea, somewhat comforted, yet slightly disturbed by a heating pad, and too lazy to Google whether or not having it on high could possibly fry my ovaries … sounds crazy right? I know. I get that way sometimes and it’s not my fault—as I have tried to explain to men—I was at the mercy of Mother Nature who showed up this month with a vengeance. She had her foot in my lower back it seemed and she made me miserable and irritated and found new ways to torture me…sort of the same way a mother-in-law does. I know, I know, that’s not nice, but it’s the truth, for many.

Remember early on in the SiNgLeNeSs post when I mentioned that I realized “I had become content with being–a single woman?” I had, but it wasn’t an easy process on any level, as I’m sure some of you can attest or argue. But for me, it was more so having to take care of my son as a single mom–by default, not necessarily choice—and failing at the thing that represented a defining moment in my life. The being alone part hurt deeply at times, considering that I married with the intention of forever.

So trust me, I understand what being alone feels like. I’ve lived it, walked it out, and slept that way for over four years (and still counting). I’m not implying that being single is ideal for everyone. It isn’t for me. Let me tell you, I wanted to be in love, someone’s wife, and an angel’s mother–more than anything in the world–as far back as I can remember (elementary school to be exact). It was then, that I fell in love with the first boy of my dreams…I’ll call him N.B. for short. In my mind, we were destined to be married, have 2.5 children, live in a house with a white picket fence, and a little dog, and live happily ever after.

I didn’t marry my first love aka my middle school and high school boyfriend surprisingly, but a couple of boyfriend’s, break-ups, and heartaches later, I did fall in love with another young man who would become my friend, first husband, the father of my child, enemy, ex, and friend again, all within a six year period.

Granted after divorce I really wasn’t pressed to be in a relationship. Honestly, I wasn’t up for trusting another man with my heart. I was broken, a little bitter, disgusted with men…and tired of the hurt that they all seemed to have caused at some point in my life. Then, above all, I had my son to care for and a lot to think about; I was real grown with someone depending solely on me. And I knew my decisions—good or bad—would ultimately affect his life.

I had no plans of casually dating OR sexing with anyone–which seemed to be most men’s objective (let me just say, I am not man-bashing, so men, if the shoe doesn’t fit, it’s not yours). I refused to deal with another man’s lies, infidelity, immaturity, irresponsibility, or baby mama drama at the expense of my own deserved happiness. And just so you know, I dealt with four out of the five (of the above) with a divorced man I had met after mine was finalized. We weren’t even in a relationship and he was still clowning, so I was good with all of that. I had decided that I would not allow anyone else to hurt me. I was guarding my heart, which I realized was just the first phase of singleness for me. There was obviously a lot of healing that needed to take place, baggage I had to start unloading, and responsibility I had to take for my part in my failed marriage before I would ever be ready for another relationship.

As time went on, singleness would taunt me. I could barely watch love stories (my favorite genre), or watch a couple’s PDA, or enjoy a married couple’s company, without yearning for love. Loneliness was robbing me of my happiness and peace yet again, just as my failing marriage had, and I could not allow myself to experience that all over again.

I refused to put on a front and be miserable married, celebrating anniversary after anniversary, just to say I was married–which is why I chose divorce–and I was certain that I wouldn’t be that way, single either. So I fought for what belonged to me. I prayed. I cried. I prayed some more. Some battles I lost to broken-heartedness, disbelief, and depression. Some battles…I won…because I had to…for my son and my sanity. And needless to say, I would not have made it through without my own personal relationship with God—not a man.

Eventually, my wounds healed, and some scars faded, and my load got a little lighter. When I thought about it, I wasn’t happy in the end being married. Neither was I happy after it was all said and done, being single. And, it wasn’t just a matter of being with the right or wrong person, it was a matter of me; not him or them, but me finding my own happiness and my own peace and pursuing it.  It was then, that I realized two things. 1) Happiness was not guaranteed based on my marital status and 2) I was the one in control of it. I’m throwing in number three for free; 3) Either I was going to be happy or not, whether I was single or not. Point. Blank. Period. It was my choice and my decision to embrace self-fulfillment–the ability to make yourself happy and complete through your own efforts.

So I’m saying this again, YES you can live without a man and be happy, really happy, for as long as you choose, but you cannot truly live without self-fulfillment, single or not. 

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Singleness Part 1: Pro-Love, Marriage & Maybe A Baby Carriage

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Hey Mommies!

I’m excited about all of you who read my post yesterday and left such wonderful messages on Facebook. Because of you, I’m back and excited about our Journey. A lot has changed since yesterday, like the new look of the blog site. You can even leave comments on the post or ask questions right here.

Now, if you haven’t already, please check out SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS – “FiRsT StEpS”, its sort of the method to the madness behind this blog … okay, I’m kidding again–more like an intro that will give you a better understanding of who I am, why I am here, and possibly why you’re going to keep coming back. So go read it please! The rest of you come with me.

Well, I tucked my pride and joy into bed last night. Around 12:30ish, I crawled into bed just as I have every night (for the last four+ years), with intentions of getting a good night’s rest, especially knowing what 16 hours of Wednesday would consist of, granted I didn’t get a same-day call from TJ’s agent about an audition on the other side of town. That could throw my whole schedule off.

While looking at the computer screen of the laptop resting on my thighs–not sleeping at all–I realized that the past couple of months, my nights had been slightly different than all of the others before. I typed in my blog site address as that thought gave birth to this post. Pecking away at the keys, I discovered that wrapping up my day, getting ready for bed, while reflecting; in some way, some how, at some point, I had become content with being–a single woman.

Not single as in “dating,” or “in a relationship, but not married yet,” or in one of those “it’s complicated” situations, but single-single, as in “alone” or “without a potential, not even a prospect” single. I didn’t have a hubby anymore to tuck me in, or listen to me rant about my day (so glad I have you ;-)), or whisper sweet words of affirmation (my #1 love language) in my ear, or rub my back and feet (men if you’re reading, please take note), or cuddle with or nestle under, or even be irritated with because of his snoring AND something he did or didn’t do earlier that day (probably both) … just single. When I proofread this, it made me sad for the woman I was, just seven months ago, that longed for all of the above because I lacked what I wrote about next.

The difference this time around, was my comfortability with being by myself for reasons of self-fulfillment. Ladies stay focused, I’m not talking about physical self-fulfillment–You’re grown you do you, I am not, I repeat, I am not judging anyone. Uh uh, you won’t get that from me, I just want you to really focus on what I’m saying. Self-fulfillment–the ability to make yourself happy and complete through your own efforts–is the one thing that has kept me emotionally sane and helped me to ignore the pestering tick and the annoying tock of my biological clock, for most of my post-divorce period (4 years, 4 months and 81 days, but who’s counting?).

Now don’t you think for one minute that I got divorced and mastered the art of making oneself happy and harboring peace. You better believe that whenever I found myself low in self-esteem or depleted of self-fulfillment (such a natural, God-given commodity), singleness would torture me without fail.

I feel a need to say this now, YES you can live without a man for as long as you choose, and not because I did it. But you cannot truly live without self-fulfillment. Thinking that having a man–a hubby, lover, friend–will solve every one of your problems (maybe he will help with the kids or pay bills) but depending on him solely to make You happy or help You find peace, is not the biz-ness. In fact, most of the time, with this “codependency mentality,“ you often settle, and when its all said and done, you find yourself needing more than just the happiness and peace you were searching for outside of yourself–somebody please loosen this straight-jacket.

Just so we’re clear, I am so pro-love & marriage (get me the bumper sticker & tell me where to vote). I still believe in love at first sight & happily ever after, but I am definitely anti-codependent relationships.

That old saying we’ve all used or convinced ourselves was true (cue violin here), “we complete each other,” yes, that one, lose it, forget about it. In math 50 plus 50 is unequivocally equal to 100, but two people half-full or half-empty (however you want to look at it), together equal a couple with a lot of room for serious issues to fill up.

How did you stay single for so long? How did you find contentment being alone? You ask … well, you’ll have to come back and visit the blog. Apparently there will be a PaRt 2 of this “SiNgLeNeSs” post, because its 3:00a.m. and I have to get some sleep.

Until then my friend…

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SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS: First Steps

Hey there! Well here I am writing my very own blog for the first time about what it’s like to walk in my shoes. If you’re here you probably already read the little bio thingy, so you know that I’m a divorcee (call me naive, but I can honestly say I didn’t see that coming) AND I’m a single mom, which I take full pride in. As you may have suspected the little one kissing my cheek down there is my baby boy TJ (he would never approve of the following), but gosh, he’s one of the most phenomenally gifted, creative, compassionate, adorable little boys on the planet. I’m probably stretching it there with “on the planet,” but it’s my blog … my world … my lens … my prerogative … And I ’am kidding about the planet part.

Anyway, I’m so glad you’re here! I really want to be as open and honest as I possibly can. I hope to build something relatable and to write things that will resonate. I want to make you laugh or cry or say “hmmm.” I would hope to challenge, inspire, encourage, and maybe even help you see things from a different perspective … and give you whatever else it is you need.

This is just as much about me as it is about you. So, I’m going to need you to talk back to me. Tweet snglemommyfiles or Facebook SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS suggestive topics, ask questions, or give constructive criticism on content, not grammar—we’re going to relax and have fun here. Be sure to follow me on both, for updates. And please no negativity. I ignore it.

I was a little flustered before this post. I had a long day, which is the Continue reading SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS: First Steps

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