I hope you enjoyed yesterday’s post, WhAt MeN WaNt Pt. 1 found it enlightening or even put it to the test. If you haven’t already, please check it out. I’ve been told it’s a great read. Oh yea, I couldn’t get away from this pic of this extremely sexy man. Yesterday he was reaching out with his right hand, today it’s his left. Whew he’s fine!!! Ok ladies, let’s dive right in.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, I know we all have our issues that stem from experiences in our pasts, environments, upbringing, families, and relationships. We’ve all been hurt or disappointed before, in some way or another, which means that if we’ve not dealt with “it”, more than likely, we’re BaGgAgE HaNdLeRs, some of us carry around more than others. And there are those of us (the numbers are alarming) that have some deep rooted insecurities as a result of all of the above.
But men want exactly what women want—a whole partner. Sane and emotionally healthy men want to be with women that are sane and emotionally healthy, or as close to it as possible, considering we’re all a work in progress. But anger, bitterness, desperation, insecurity, and emotional dependency are amongst some of the reasons that relationships/marriages are unstable, failing and ending.
Do YOU for relationship’s sake
Men thrive on being wanted and needed by their partners as we discussed in WhAt MeN WaNt Pt. 1, and they enjoy and appreciate you, the relationship that you’ve built, and the time that you spend together as a couple. But they also want their women to be self-sufficient and have their own identities. Let me just say, I learned this the hard way, in my own marriage. You fall in love with your lover and best friend, and what we desire to do, every single day, is to share our entire world and life with them; all of the space in the house, every single breath we take, moment in the day (if possible), every experience, and activity that takes place. And nothing is wrong with that, until you find that you’ve literally lost yourself in your relationship. You no longer identify with being anything outside of his girlfriend/wife—oh, and we’re not even talking about being a mommy right now. But you get to a point, where you don’t know what interests you, or what you enjoy, or what you even want anymore, as an individual.
Ladies, love your man, cherish your relationship and what you’re building together, but it’s important that you Do You. Be active and independent, have your own friends (particularly ones that are also in relationships, that’s another post), and interests. Nothing is wrong with going to see a play with your girls once a month or as frequently as your honey allows (he would probably prefer watching some type of sport anyway). Take up art or attend a yoga class alone. Oh, and being secure enough in your relationship to allow your man to be and do the same, is a major plus!
Honesty is always the best policy.
Men want their women to be honest and open, period. It’s vital in any relationship and extremely important to them. They need honest, straightforward answers and opinions from us. A woman that knows and sees the truth and will tell it like it is, kindly without being critical is key ladies, and I know we can do it.
Oh, and as much as we think they should know about us, they don’t. They’re just not wired that way, nor are they mind readers. They appreciate a woman that confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. And I’m not just talking about shopping sprees and allowances for shopping sprees. I’m talking about expressing yourself and cuing him in on what’s important to you as his partner and as a woman, kindly without being critical (there are those two words again), whether it’s asking him to try communicating with you better, or being more sensitive to your feelings, or helping around the house more, or spending quality time with you in and outside of the home, or spicing up your sex life…which leads me to the next point.
Go ahead, Ask for it
Remember what I said about men not being mind readers? Well, they aren’t. And I know we all get tired of having to tell them, what seems like, everything. But sometimes they are just better at being coached, until hopefully they’ve figured you out. They also respond very well to feedback and direction. In fact, they would very much enjoy hearing what you would like them to do to you in…bed. So in order to get what you want ladies, you have to ask for it.
As for you ladies that may not be very comfortable asking for him to do specific things to you, don’t worry, you can make requests or talk about things you think you would enjoy or would like to try in general discussions with your man, when you’re not in bed. But once you … ♪♫ turn down the lights and light a candle ♪♫ or whatever it is you do, to set the mood, “turn requests into erotic expressions, not instructions,” says Joy Davidson, PhD, a sex therapist in New York and author of Fearless Sex. Let’s leave the left, no right, harder, slower, no faster, orders to the drill sergeants ladies. Saying things like “oh, I love it when you do that, that way,” or “can you do that slower,” isn’t an order, it’s sexy.
Wait, we’re not done, it’s equally important to know what your man wants from you in bed too. Relationships work better when there are two way streets, even between the sheets. Some men can be shy about telling you what really turns them on or how they like to be touched, so you have to ask ladies. And your ability to be open to whatever your man likes will create a safe and comfortable environment that will ultimately turn into some really hot relations lol!
Alright, alright, whew, we’ll end it on that note! I would love to see comments, or feedback, or hear your story on my website. If you prefer to share privately just hit that little black envelope to email me. Or you can talk to me on @snglemommyfiles twitter or the SiNgLe MoMmY FiLes Facebook page.
Oh, by the way, you can sign up for Single Mommy Files Newsletter on my to keep up-to-date with my posts. You may want to tell a friend, or two, or 10, because I’ll be sharing tips on how to get your child started in the entertainment business, and some of the information will be for subscribers (by email only). So sign up by email today. Until then my friends, have a blessed day!
[adapted from What Men Want (and How to Give it to Them)]