For all you single, not-so-single, and taken ladies, this post is for you. And just so you know, that picture up there is for me. 😉 Anyway, I decided to do a little research about some questions that has run across every woman’s mind at one point or another about their man…WhAt MeN WaNt!
Now, now, we’re all grown, and I would hope that we all understand (including the men that’s tuned in), that every man is different, or at least, that’s what they want us to think. Confession: I’m not really convinced. Of course, there’s always an exception to the rule, but generally all men are the same. I’m not saying, all men are dogs or all men are angels or all men think this way or act that way, but basically what I’m saying is, men are men, regardless of their familial history, age, ethnicity, education, or economic status.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s look at this list of the things that our counterparts say they really want from us. The information I compiled from research (based on studies) was somewhat extensive, so I had to break this subject down into a series. Now ladies, before you critique and dismiss their desires—we’re prone to do that sometimes, if we’re honest with ourselves—I want you all to have an open mind. But first take those hands off your hips, and there will be not eye or neck rolling allowed.
Now some of you may be doing most or all of these things in your relationship. Good for you. There may be others that are barely scratching the surface, but want to know, want to change and be a better woman, in order to improve your relationship. I really respect that. And there are some of you that could care less what men want, because it’s always been all about you, which means you’re probably single or in-and-out of relationships. And that’s okay to. We stay in a no judge zone here at SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS. If you fall into this last category, but you’re looking for a different outcome, I want you to print this list off, ponder over it, and try it. Just take it one step at a time.
Alright ladies, let’s consider some things together, shall we?
Talk more like a Man, but be a Lady
With the deep voices, grunts, and inappropriate touching of their man area aside, ladies, bottom line, they want us to get to the point quicker. We need to keep it short and simple, and basically say what’s on our minds. As much as men love the sound of our voices and love to help us out, their attention spans are…uhm…short. If you’re explaining why you’re pissed at Brenda at work and how much she slacks off, then their minds will wander if there’s no climax/conclusion on the horizon. Too much lead in and they tune out. Experts say that men are hardwired to derive less enjoyment than women do from deep, personal conversations. So ladies, it’s not really their faults. I put some emphasize on “really.”
And that’s not to say that he’s not interested in your story or what you have to say, but he’s looking for a problem to fix for you, usually. So, if there isn’t something to fix or you’re not looking for solutions, let him know that up front: “babe, I’m not looking for you to fix this, I had a bad day, and I just want you to understand how I’m feeling,“ or say it however you’d like. And more than likely, he’ll listen and will walk away from that conversation with the satisfaction of knowing he gave you, the woman he cares about, what you needed.
Show a little PDA with your MAN
Some of us think that men don’t like cuddling, holding hands, non-sexual forms of closeness, or even public displays of affection …but we are wrong, wrong I tell you. Some men, if not all men, enjoy it as much as we do…yes really. Problem is, they are conditioned to hide these desires, to avoid the appearance of being weak or less of a man, in front of other men, and even you. But taking the initiative—especially if he doesn’t, and displaying your love for him openly, planting brief, passionate kisses every once and awhile, grabbing his hand, purposely grazing his body with your breasts, or touching his thigh with your hand while sitting side by side, demonstrate confidence in your sexuality as a woman. And ladies, trust me when I say, men find that confidence totally irresistible.
Stroke his EGO…Appreciate HIM
Beyonce did it in a song, so it’s the least we can do. Believe me, this one is a biggie. Men want nothing more desperately, than your appreciation and respect for their hard work in your relationship; as your man or a husband, as a provider or a father, inside and outside of the home. I know ladies, sometimes we feel that they can never do anything right, especially considering the time of the month. But it’s very important, critical even, to recognize them for the thoughtful, considerate, and skillful things that they do on occasion. And consider yourself one lucky lady, if he does any of the above regularly.
Culturally and socially, men are expected to be strong and brave, and protective, while suppressing their feelings, emotions, hurts, fears, and tears. So sometimes it can be difficult to assess this behind their stoic armor and ever harder to fulfill their need to feel valued, appreciated, and needed as a provider and protector, and ultimately secure in who they are, as a man. In a poll of Men’s Health readers, 66 percent said they want women to compliment them on an intangible, yet specific quality, something they uniquely possess. And ladies, sincerity is key. Telling him that “I love how you always go the extra mile, to make me feel better” is much more effective than “honey you’re great” because it reinforces his efforts to care for you.
Laughter is the best medicine for your heart…and his too!
Let’s be honest, guys are visual, and usually the first thing that they find attractive on a woman, is their body. For some men, your sense of humor is the next best thing—unless you’re significant other lacks in this area. Of course, they’re not asking you to be comedians or quick witted or even know the best jokes, but simply being able to share in laughter with him, at him, or even at yourself, is a sign of intellectual compatibility, says Billy Goldberg, MD, co-author of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?
Good stuff, right ladies?! … helpful even. I happened to think so. I didn’t want to inundate you with a long list of things right away, so we’ll pick up where we left off tomorrow. In the meantime, we have some things to think about or try in our relationships (if we’re not already), or even discuss with our significant others…hear what they have to say.
I would love to see comments or feedback or hear your story on my website. If you prefer to share privately just hit that little cute envelope to email me. Or hit me up on @snglemommyfiles twitter or the SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS Facebook Page.
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[adapted from What Men Want (and How to Give it to Them)]]