Hey Mommies!!! I hope you all had a wonderful Easter holiday weekend! I certainly did! There was plenty of thanksgiving, celebration, family, friends and food! Plus the weather could not have been more beautiful! I love L.A.
As always, I’m glad you’re back visiting SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS. I’ve had mixed emotions about the blog, obviously I have to be a bit more transparent than I probably have ever been in my life with so many people however, I’m enjoying the responses and feedback and comments, because apparently what I’m sharing is resonating with some and relatable to others.
I would love to get to a point, especially in May, for Mother’s Days month, where I can share some of your WrOnG MiStEr stories (openly or anonymously) or allow one of my SmF’s frequents to feature their own story of “MoMmYhOoD.” There’s a couple of ways you can contact me on the blog or inbox me on Facebook. Just let me know.
Ladies, my weekend was Fannnn-tastic! I really could not complain, but there were a couple of things that happened that fueled my post for today. Now, for those of you that have been following SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS since day 1, you probably know where I’m coming from as a woman.
I have made it very clear in “LoVe UnCoMpLiCaTeD” that this is not the Diary of a Mad Black Woman (some of my male readers may disagree); I am far from angry or bitter. As a matter of fact, I told a guy just last night, that I am thee happiest I’ve been in my life for a long time. Shoot, I should have referred him to my “SiNgLeNeSs” Pt. 1 post.
Anyway, I definitely have my qualms AND issues, with men, mostly African-American men to be quite clear. I’m sorry fellas, but I do. And you’re the only ethnicity that I have dated throughout my life, so my personal experiences, the good, the bad, AND the ugly, have been with you…with the exception of “WrOnG MiStEr” Pt. 8. That’s a different story, so you’ll have to read it, if you haven’t.
On Saturday, I had lunch with a female friend of mine at a swank little café in burbs of L.A. We decided to hook up without the kids for a change and have some real girl talk and maybe participate in a little retail therapy at some boutiques. The weather was gorgeous out there on that patio, the food was ah-mazing, and we were looking fab, if I say so myself. Zoe Saldana was there too, looking super cute, which really made my day as a fan. She was cold in Columbiana.
I was sharing with my girl that I had decided to…guess I have to be completely honest here *takes deep breath*…only date White men from this point on. I had come to this conclusion in “LoVe UnCoMpLiCaTeD”, which was based solely on my experience AND the fact that I’ve done the same thing over and over again (date Black men) and I’ve gotten the same results (break-ups & one divorce with Black men), and nothing is wrong with me, maybe my high expectations, then I figured it was time for me to make a change.
And trust me ladies, I understand the concept that all men are the same and possibly created equal. I get that. But, I do know that there are some differences in culture and upbringing between black men and white men. And based on some of the homework I’ve done and the interrogating I’ve put several of my friends through who have either dated or know someone that has dated a white man, I’ve discovered that most have had better relational experiences in comparison. So I’m definitely looking forward to experimenting with…SoMeThInG DiFfErEnT.
I had no idea when I would start or how to go about it. Match.com came up a couple of times in our conversation. We’re we kind of geeked in the moment. Both she and I actually knew women that found men on there, had great relationships, and ended up marrying the guys. But the Lord knows me better than anyone, and when it came down to it, we both knew I was much too scary of a person to do anything like that.
So I figured I had to seriously consider the advice of my girls in “WrOnG MiStEr” Pt. 1 again, which was to be a little more forward when I found myself in the presence of a guy I was interested in, like, “hey I couldn’t help but notice your great smile. My name is…” or “what’s the name of that book, is it good? Oh, by the way my name is…” forward. And maybe even emit the type of energy that men could pick up on to know I was available. I would have to start smiling back, giving a little more eye contact, or an occasional wink or two, all without coming off as a “ThIrStY ChIcK.” Just so you know the winking was probably never going to happen.
But I was also still hoping that my SoMeThInG DiFfErEnT would come highly recommended. That someone I knew or someone that knew someone I knew (a friend of a friend) would vouch for him. That was ideal, although it didn’t work out quite the way I would’ve hoped in the case of “WrOnG MiStEr” Pt. 3, so I wasn’t totally opposed to taking things into my own hands…in public…I think…maybe.
So anyway, as I made my way to the counter for a to-go container for my creamy balsamic vinaigrette, I noticed that Ms. Saldana wasn’t the only guest there that grabbed my attention. Boy, was I unpleasantly surprised to see thee husband of a well known gospel artist there too with another woman–sans the wifey.
Now here’s the deal. It doesn’t matter whether or not I know them personally, or if anyone thinks it’s my business as to what this man was doing. Who he is, is not important either, but the fact that his better half has gone on record publicly to say that they were “happily” married, was enough to anger this me.
I side-eyed him and got a quick glimpse of the WrOnG MiSs <~ Ladies I do believe a new series has been born ~> as I walked back to my table totally disgusted with the audacity of the two. And no, it wasn’t his sister, cousin, or niece. And it definitely wasn’t a business acquaintance. There was nothing remotely professional about that meeting.
I told my girl what I saw and asked her to pay close attention to table as we left out, just in case my eyes were playing tricks on me. And sure enough, it was he, a supposedly happily married black man with wife and kids out with another woman. As disappointed as I was, as a divorced woman myself, I knew it was just another sign, example, and reason to stick to my guns and proceed with my decision to try SoMeThInG DiFfErEnT.
It didn’t help that the conversation that I had with the guy I mentioned earlier, took a turn in the way I expected either, when my decision was discussed openly amongst friends. Instead of accepting that it was a preference (not necessarily an issue with race), he assumed I was “BaGgAgE HaNdLiNg” and bitter (of course); the only two legitimate reasons why I could possibly want White men and not Black. I shared my issues and reasons why. And he told me I was wrong for stereotyping an entire race.
Although he claims he doesn’t believe in a lot of the stereotypes–although he accused me of two–he couldn’t deny that he knew men that thought that way about black women. So I asked him why was it okay for them to do it to me (us), he said that two wrongs didn’t make a right. Yea, true, and I told him that’s exactly why dating black men was no longer right for me.
He wouldn’t let it go. I knew it bruised his ego to have a black woman tell him to his face that I was not interested in him as a black man. And come to find out ladies this MiStEr had only dated mixed woman o_0 hmm okay?! I wasn’t about to get into why that had just proved my point. I had had enough. And at that moment, he lost all credibility with me, just as the rest had.
So you see what I’m dealing with ladies. I can’t be the only one having these conversations. What do you think about his opinion or any of the other men I’ve mentioned? What about my decision? Have any of you ever dated a white man? Let me know. I want to hear from you. Inbox me! I want to hear from you.
See you Friday! Until then…