There’s always sooo much on my plate as a SiNgLe MoMmY! Remember I told you in “FiRsT StEpS” that I’m a full-time SUPER-mom, which is the ultimate job of the universe. I find myself cooking, cleaning, wiping noses and tears, teaching responsibility, encouraging creativity and learning, cultivating gifts, discouraging bad behavior, chastening, and loving unconditionally, day in and day out.
Parenting is one of thee most demanding responsibilities for a mother and a father, but when a mother finds herself being a stand-in dad too, the load is much heavier. And let me just say that my hat is off to any woman that is raising more than one child alone…I can only imagine what your days are like.
Sadly, SiNgLe MoMmIeS are not Appreciated & Respected as we should be at times, by our children, in our homes or in society, for that matter. Look at what the following except from an article–based on a survey—had to say about those of us who have no other choice but to take care of our kids with minimal-to-no help:
Americans, when they think of single mothers, don’t think of a woman who is financially secure, who made a decision to have a child, who has the time and the social support to provide that child with a safe home. They’re thinking about women abandoned by their husbands who may love their children deeply but because of the need to make a living can’t devote as much time to them as perhaps they should, or want to.
Sad right?! I know, and that’s a much bigger issue than I want to discuss right now. I just wanted to bring it to your attention. But if most of you are like me, thanks to my “No HaTeRs AlLoWeD” mentality, you could care less about what other people think. However, we are definitely affected by the lack of appreciation and respect in our own homes.
For example, I noticed when I was married and even now as a single mom, that I exert a lot more energy around the house than I should have to, to get my son to do things. I mean, I’m talking and explaining and repeating things, and raising my voice a little along with my blood pressure or sometimes grunting things through closed teeth with protruding veins in my neck and all. And I know I probably say the words “you’re on punishment!” at least once or twice a day.
Now, before we go any further, I want you to know that my baby TJ is not a bad kid AT ALL. In fact he is one of the sweetest, most respectful little boys you’ll ever meet, I make sure of it. Trust me, I have family, friends and strangers he’s come in contact with, that could easily vouch for him.
But for some reason, he tends to make things a little more difficult for me. I know this, because his father can come over on his one day off–with his pedestal in tow–and ask his son to do something (very calmly I might add), and he does it. Just like that. There’s no pouting, no whining, no forgetfulness, no begging to do it later…he just does what his daddy says with absolutely no questions asked. *side eyes my son*
Ladies, what is that about? Now, I know some of you are going to poke your chest out and say, “I don’t have that problem, uhh uhh, my kids do what I say,” but let’s keep it 100 ladies, I know we all have experienced this or noticed it at some point or even wondered why we do majority of the work as mothers—whether we are single or married—and we get the least amount of appreciation or respect.
And I know in my son’s mind, that his father (conveniently) is the spontaneous, fun parent while I, on the other hand, is the boring, strict parent, that enforces all the rules and bed times and chores and dishes out the most no’s.
I remember feeling that way about my mother and stepfather (I’ll have to fill you in on that story later), growing up. He could do no wrong in my eyes and my mom who did everything for me and my younger brother was the wicked witch of the west (no offense mom, right?!), until I got old enough to see the truth.
And yes, like my mom I am the chef, and the unpaid live-in maid, and I do all the shopping (of all things grocery, toiletry, household, & clothing), and I chauffeur the kid around, and I’ve done it on top of working a 9 to 5, but I guess MoMs are just expected to do what we do and that’s why we don’t get the A & R we deserve.
I’m so glad it’s not about love though. I loved my mom very much, and I know my lil’ man loves me without a shadow of a doubt. But he’s definitely a daddy’s boy right now.
I’ve heard from other moms of older kids and obviously I know from my personal experience as a child (20 years ago *wink*), that the level of appreciation and respect grows with time. I’m fine with that…I guess…what choice do I have?
And just so you know, I want my son to love and respect and honor his dad. The wasband is a good father when he’s on duty–whew!!! that took a lot out of me to type)—when he’s off-duty or absent, he talks to him all the time and keeps up with what he’s doing. But with everything that I do, all the time, around the clock, and with all the sacrifices I make, I would hope that the A & R for his MoMmY grows a lot faster and much more sooner than later.
Have a great weekend AND see you Monday!!! Until then…