Hey Ladies (and gentlemen)!! Real quick, if you haven’t read SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS – “WrOnG MiStEr” Pt. 1 please check it out before you go any further.
Okay, so remember when I mentioned that my plight transitioning into the next phase of my life…to date or not to date…was going to be an interesting ride? Well, the first time I decided to buckle my seatbelt, the ride was just that…interesting.
So one unsuspecting night, I met a man through a mutual friend, not with the purpose of getting to know him or even dating, we both just happened to be in the same place at the same time and hit it off. I remember vividly, having a pretty heated debate about dating, relationships, marriage and everything before, after and in-between.
I had my strong convictions about men and the issues they seemed to bring to the table, like their lack of communication, irresponsibility, selfishness, superficial attraction to women, infidelity, etc. (my source? Experience and countless stories from other women I knew). And he shared a few of his biggest hang-ups with women, which was their thirstiness (see, I told you this came up a lot in conversations with men), gold digging (yes, apparently there is such a woman out there that only goes after men with money), and our baggage handling (and I don’t mean a Samsonite carry-on or rolling suitcase ladies). I’m talking about the emotional baggage that “allegedly” only we women take from our failed relationships and bring onboard our new and improved relationships. And just so you know, I made up the term “baggage handling,” but give it some time, I’m sure it’ll end up on the ‘Ridiculous List of Urban Stereotypes for Women’ soon enough.
So anyway, that night, we presented strong cases, heard each other out, respected each other’s opinion, and in the end pretty much agreed to disagree on most things (mainly the stereotypes), just as I expected. By the time the white flag was thrown into the battle of the sexes, I noticed how great of a smile he had. I admired his winning personality, it was refreshing. I enjoyed his conversation and respected his ability to stand his ground with me as a man…I was actually attracted to someone for the first time in four years.
Of course, I didn’t act on the attraction. But luckily, we ran into each other a few more times. We would flirt with one another through semi-heated debates, which I later believed he started intentionally just to push my buttons and see my feisty side *growls.* I kind of think that disagreements turned him on…I do…I’m just saying.
We developed a friendship that involved us talking and laughing a couple times a day—about any and everything–for hours on end. We had the greatest conversations on the phone. We even kicked it at a few social events. Now mind you, I still was not in any kind of rush to be in a relationship, nor had I become desperate aka thirsty to have a man, but what we were building was genuinely nice and I was open to whatever the future could hold.
What was he like, you ask? He was a good old-fashioned southern church boy, whose morals and ideas about life, friendship, relationship, marriage, parenting, money, etc., were very similar to mine, once we got past those dreaded stereotypes. He was a handsome guy although there was one area in which he came up short, but there was nothing he could do about that. Now ladies get your minds out of the gutter. He and I were not thinking, hinting around to, or even talking about sex—which was a definite plus—we had both made decisions (prior to meeting each other) to wait until we were married.
He was educated, had a couple of jobs, his own money, own place, own car, no kids (I hadn’t decided if that was a pro or con yet), and had never been married. He had had a few serious relationships, one of which was long term, but they had been broken up for a while. Ladies, you would be proud, I did my due diligence and determined very early on in this “getting to know each other” stage, that he wasn’t a…don…don…don…serial killer. I was on to something good right? No! And let me tell you why.
Maybe a couple months down the line; this dude started changing on me. He was falling off, not calling as often, when in the beginning, a day wouldn’t go by without us conversing. So naturally, I got concerned and asked if we were cool, if everything was okay with him…with us. “Yea, we’re good,” he would say, but he continued to show me otherwise.
Now here’s the thing. We WERE NOT in a relationship. There WERE NO titles. We HAD NOT decided to take this friendship any further than friendship. There WAS NO exclusivity. He DID NOT owe me anything. I understood that. However, you would think as friends–that talked everyday and hung out together, pretty much every weekend–that we would at least be honest…completely honest with one another.
We ended up having a very awkward conversation. In fact, it was more like an argument, because I believe he snapped at me for being genuinely concerned about my friend, who was acting extremely weird and distant. To be honest, I may have had an emotion or two invested, so I was definitely trying to make sure that we were still heading in the same direction, if not on the same page. My heart wasn’t up for any games.
To make a long story short (I’m probably a little too late for that, but anyway), our telephone conversations grew more infrequent and we eventually stopped talking to each other altogether. And yes, it did hurt my feelings a little, because I thought we were friends, and I deserved an explanation, if nothing else. I got over it though, deleted his number, swore off men, and decided to take myself off the market.
Funny thing is, a few months later, he reached out to me and I ended up answering the phone. Being the forgiving person I am, we talked that night, like old friends, for hours. You would have thought that nothing ever happened. I never said a word about how bad I felt he treated me as a friend, because I was over it. Now, before you start calling me foolish, let me tell you, as soon as we ended the call, I saved his number again and changed his contact name to: DO NOT ANSWER. Oh yea, if you’re reading this now wrong mister, yes, I most certainly did do that, and now you know why I never picked up any of your phone calls or responded to any of your text messages. *winks*
My theory as to how things went from being so sweet to bitter between us, seemingly over night, is his ex-girlfriend showed up. Remember that long term relationship I mentioned? Well, I knew about her (he was open about that), and I believe they decided to rekindle their on-again, off-again love.
Honestly ladies, if he would have told me she was back in the picture, I would have been a little disappointed, but his decision to be with her would have been totally respected. And believe me, I would have encouraged the re-union, because the last thing I wanted was a man that was still in love with his ex.
In the end, there were really no hard feelings. I just thought that was a very immature and disrespectful way for a grown man to handle a friendship with a woman. Maybe another man (or woman) would totally disagree with me, feel free to let me know if you do, but at that point, I wasn’t sure if I was up to getting to know anyone else. I actually didn’t for a whole year, and ladies, I can’t wait to tell you about that one! But I’ll save it until Wednesday.
See you then. Same time, same place.