Wrong Mister Part 8: The Long Distance Between Us


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StockPhoto - Google
StockPhoto – Google

Hey ladies (and gentlemen) and all my SMF newbies! I’m excited that you’re back this week. I always appreciate the support. And real quick, if you haven’t already, please check out the other seven WrOnG MiStEr posts to get caught up on this story. The rest of you know what to do.

So, picking up where we left off on Friday, I was finally in a real relationship after a four year, three month long healing, transitional period…others would probably call this a serious drought and that’s cool too. But I had worn my “SiNgLeNeSs” badge with dignity and honor, I have to admit though, it was real nice to finally rock the “TaKeN” one.

And remember, when I told you MiStEr and I would pretty much text and talk to each other every single day, as often as we could, for the first couple of weeks? Well that stayed pretty consistent over the course of our beautiful love affair.

Now being that our relationship was strictly long distance, we arranged to see each other again for a few days that October. It was really all we could muster up with our crazy work schedules. But we realized we had to make time for each other–even if it was only for a few days every month–in order to make things work.

Ladies, let me just say, I could not have asked for a better MiStEr to work it out with. I had thee best time ever (in a long time) because he made sure of it when we hooked up. It was all about moi. He was very accommodating and attentive and loving AND just as charming and romantic as he was on our first date…there were walks in the park along the river, an expensive candlelit dinner, some bottle popping, shopping, we worked out together, we watched sports, we laughed, we talked…I was loving me some him, so much so, I even started learning one of his native languages, Yes, the man had me speaking his language.

Things were going according to plan…well not really…I mean, I had fallen pretty hard, reeeeally fast for MiStEr. And ALL that talk I did in “WrOnG MiStEr” Pt. 3 about being relieved he wasn’t going to be physically here; appreciating the distance because it would allow me to take things really, really slow because of my super busy life; not having a lot of time to fully invest in a relationship; or not being able to afford to be totally distracted…was ALL null and void.

I was missing him like crazy! The texting, skyping, and talking on the phone all the time, were not, in any way, an even exchange for the gentle kisses he planted on my lips, or his strong embrace, or the warmth of his touch, or the comfort of cuddling, or just being near him and breathing him in. I knew he felt the same. He would often say things like “I wish you were here,” or “things would be much better if you were here.”

So, I wasn’t surprised at the direction our conversations started taking about three months in. Of course I wanted MiStEr here with me, so I was pulling for him to come back to the west coast. And MiStEr on the other hand, was trying to convince me to move to the Midwest with him. He had promised to buy me a house and all.

Although that was more than most men would offer most women, I wasn’t able to seriously consider a move like that, number 1, because he hadn’t put a ring on it. Let’s be clear, I was in no rush to get married, but I was definitely not in any rush to move myself or my son across country with a man that I was only dating either. And besides, I couldn’t, because I had a lot invested in L.A. There was purpose in me being here. God told me to come to help my son pursue a acting career—and he was doing very well, might I add—and there was no way he could continue successfully outside of L.A. Plus, I was in the midst of pursuing a writing career.

MiStEr supported my position to a degree, but he seemed to be set on what he wanted. I say that because, I had talked about the possibility of moving somewhere in between or closer to L.A., if we had decided to take it to the next level in our relationship, but he wasn’t budging. He didn’t want to move, because he had a great job, he had established himself there, hadn’t had any plans to move for another five years, and the cost of living was much, much cheaper than L.A.—which was his biggest argument and the truth. So we were both at odds here.

So we decided it would be best to put relocating on the back burner and try to move forward in our relationship, but in my mind, it was something that really needed to be discussed or else we would have problems. And sure enough, the distance started working against us. He had invited me to come with him to visit his family that Thanksgiving, but I had already planned to host a dinner with family at my place. So we didn’t get a chance to see each other in November. So I decided to go see him in early December for his birthday, and those plans fell through due to a schedule conflict on my end.

I couldn’t figure out if the strain of the distance was starting to wear on us or if the excitement of our new relationship was starting to fade, or both, but I definitely noticed that things were starting to break down–slowly but surely—like our communication. It wasn’t as consistent as it had been.

Granted there were a lot of things going on, on both of our ends. His job responsibilities tripled at year end, I was juggling a book and school and TJ’s career that had gotten busy all of a sudden, and we had gone a couple of months now without  seeing each other. I saw exactly where we were headed. I brought to his attention on several occasions because I knew we needed to talk about it and work through it, but MiStEr, like most men do, acted like everything was A-okay between us.

So there we were are a little over three months in, and he goes from being the perfect gentleMAN to a …uhmm…what is a word that can describe his behavior…jerk. Now maybe that’s a little harsh, considering MiStEr’S wonderful track record, but I knew that the stress on his job—which was now affecting his health–our conflicting schedules, and the long distance strain, all played roles in the change in our relationship and MiStEr. I was starting to see this sort of controlling, critical side of him that nitpicked about the smallest, most insignificant things and I wasn’t haven’t it.

So basically, MiStEr and I talked for the last time right before the New Year, which is when I decided that no relationship, even one that started off as good as this one, was ever worth me being unhappy. I was never going to allow myself to put up with anything, just to have a man. So, I gladly turned in my “TaKeN” badge—although it hurt and was extremely disappointing—for my “SiNgLeNeSs” again. And ladies I “WiShEd” him nothing but the best and just like that we never talked again. Can you believe it?

Me and my bff’s are all certainly convinced that MiStEr may have very well been some suppressed crazy foreign man, just waiting for the right moment to show his true identity…he was a little Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hydeish in my opinion. But seriously, I really believe in my heart that the real reason he ended up in this  “WrOnG MiStEr” series is because I made a decision to pursue my dreams along with my son’s here in L.A., rather than giving it ALL up to start a new life with him in the Midwest.

Maybe MiStEr was too good to be true. Maybe we rushed into a long distance relationship without thinking it through. Maybe we were both being selfish about where we were in life, so it was never going to work. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be. Maybe he came along to give me the love and attention I needed for a short period, just to get me through to my next phase of life. Maybe he was some sort of distraction in disguise. Believe me I thought about it all, mulled it over in my head, analyzed it…but unfortunately because MiStEr and I never really talked about it, and had real closure; I guess I’ll never know.

Whew! That was tough getting that all out, but fun! I enjoyed sharing with you all. As you can see ladies my plight transitioning into the next phase of my life…to date or not to date…was definitely an interesting ride, to say the least. I’m back on the ground now, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to take another ride just yet, I guess we’ll see.

Ladies let’s keep in touch! Click on the links to FOLLOW me, @snglemommyfiles on twitter and LIKE SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS on Facebook!

In the meantime, make sure you stop by on Monday, Wednesday and Friday to keep up with the SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS…you never know what I’ll be discussing! Until then…

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