I’m excited about all of you who read my post yesterday and left such wonderful messages on Facebook. Because of you, I’m back and excited about our Journey. A lot has changed since yesterday, like the new look of the blog site. You can even leave comments on the post or ask questions right here.
Now, if you haven’t already, please check out SiNgLe MoMmY FiLeS – “FiRsT StEpS”, its sort of the method to the madness behind this blog … okay, I’m kidding again–more like an intro that will give you a better understanding of who I am, why I am here, and possibly why you’re going to keep coming back. So go read it please! The rest of you come with me.
Well, I tucked my pride and joy into bed last night. Around 12:30ish, I crawled into bed just as I have every night (for the last four+ years), with intentions of getting a good night’s rest, especially knowing what 16 hours of Wednesday would consist of, granted I didn’t get a same-day call from TJ’s agent about an audition on the other side of town. That could throw my whole schedule off.
While looking at the computer screen of the laptop resting on my thighs–not sleeping at all–I realized that the past couple of months, my nights had been slightly different than all of the others before. I typed in my blog site address as that thought gave birth to this post. Pecking away at the keys, I discovered that wrapping up my day, getting ready for bed, while reflecting; in some way, some how, at some point, I had become content with being–a single woman.
Not single as in “dating,” or “in a relationship, but not married yet,” or in one of those “it’s complicated” situations, but single-single, as in “alone” or “without a potential, not even a prospect” single. I didn’t have a hubby anymore to tuck me in, or listen to me rant about my day (so glad I have you ;-)), or whisper sweet words of affirmation (my #1 love language) in my ear, or rub my back and feet (men if you’re reading, please take note), or cuddle with or nestle under, or even be irritated with because of his snoring AND something he did or didn’t do earlier that day (probably both) … just single. When I proofread this, it made me sad for the woman I was, just seven months ago, that longed for all of the above because I lacked what I wrote about next.
The difference this time around, was my comfortability with being by myself for reasons of self-fulfillment. Ladies stay focused, I’m not talking about physical self-fulfillment–You’re grown you do you, I am not, I repeat, I am not judging anyone. Uh uh, you won’t get that from me, I just want you to really focus on what I’m saying. Self-fulfillment–the ability to make yourself happy and complete through your own efforts–is the one thing that has kept me emotionally sane and helped me to ignore the pestering tick and the annoying tock of my biological clock, for most of my post-divorce period (4 years, 4 months and 81 days, but who’s counting?).
Now don’t you think for one minute that I got divorced and mastered the art of making oneself happy and harboring peace. You better believe that whenever I found myself low in self-esteem or depleted of self-fulfillment (such a natural, God-given commodity), singleness would torture me without fail.
I feel a need to say this now, YES you can live without a man for as long as you choose, and not because I did it. But you cannot truly live without self-fulfillment. Thinking that having a man–a hubby, lover, friend–will solve every one of your problems (maybe he will help with the kids or pay bills) but depending on him solely to make You happy or help You find peace, is not the biz-ness. In fact, most of the time, with this “codependency mentality,“ you often settle, and when its all said and done, you find yourself needing more than just the happiness and peace you were searching for outside of yourself–somebody please loosen this straight-jacket.
Just so we’re clear, I am so pro-love & marriage (get me the bumper sticker & tell me where to vote). I still believe in love at first sight & happily ever after, but I am definitely anti-codependent relationships.
That old saying we’ve all used or convinced ourselves was true (cue violin here), “we complete each other,” yes, that one, lose it, forget about it. In math 50 plus 50 is unequivocally equal to 100, but two people half-full or half-empty (however you want to look at it), together equal a couple with a lot of room for serious issues to fill up.
How did you stay single for so long? How did you find contentment being alone? You ask … well, you’ll have to come back and visit the blog. Apparently there will be a PaRt 2 of this “SiNgLeNeSs” post, because its 3:00a.m. and I have to get some sleep.
Until then my friend…